Conclusions
by Princess in the Pea
Summary: So I don't want to give to much away, but basically what James is thinking at someones funeral, AU. NO SLASH!


Author's note: Sorry this is so dark, it just sort of came to me and I had to write it or it was going to bug me forever. Anyways, I know I should be working on Damage Control and I am, I just don't have a lot of time on my hands so.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or one of the quotes, you guess which one; guess right and you get a cookie. Everything but that aforementioned stuff is mine, including spelling and grammar mistakes.

James stared at the grave with the coffin being lowered into it and couldn't help but think that this wasn't right at all. This wasn't how it should have happened. Everything was all wrong.

He looked at the dark wood coffin and the feeling of hatred came over him, there were few things in life that James had ever hated, mostly because Sirius had once told him that hate killed people, and if Sirius could live without hating his parent's them James could live without hating, although he would always maintain that he did in fact hate Snape.

He felt Lily squeeze his hand, she was under an umbrella with Remus, both hiding away from the rain while James embraced it, the rain would help him cover up his tears and he didn't want anyone to see him cry, although his father had once told him and Sirius that a man who wasn't afraid to show his emotions was a stronger man than a man who hid his emotions. Sirius had believed Mr. Potter, James had thought it was bullshit till the day his father had died.

He wanted to run forward and stop them from speaking, because if he stopped them, then he could still pretend that his friend was still alive and that nothing was wrong.

He had approached his friend on the matter of being his secret keeper and that's what had killed him, no matter what anyone ever said James would always blame himself. It wasn't that his friend hadn't been strong; it's that he hadn't been strong enough, but Lily always said that strength was part of how we saw ourselves.

James looked at all the people pretending to know him, none of them knew him as well as James did, not even Remus. James had seen him through thick and thin, sunny and stormy weather, but Sirius had always said that the rain was the true test of friendship.

The had had an open coffin service, which had bothered James, he looked like he was asleep and James couldn't fight the feeling that they were burying him alive, but his face was pale and his hands were cold, so he knew he was dead. Sirius had never like the dark, because it was black, and he was afraid that in the dark he would be forced to come to terms with who he really was.

He felt Lily squeeze his hand again; they had left Harry at home with a baby sitter, Harry would be brought to the wake though. James shouldn't have agreed to this though, not the burial, or the coffin, but when they had found his body, James hadn't been able to feel anything but numb. In a matter of days everything had changed.

The war had gone from full out to over, but so had James way of viewing the world, and with his friends death, had come the death of the marauders, but James and Remus had both promised that the perpetrator wouldn't get away with it if it was the last thing they did.

James listened to the minister preach about how wonderful this boy had been and the urge to tell the man to shut-up came over him, but he held it in. James wasn't sure why because he knew that if he said it his friend would get a kick out of it even if everyone else there got mad, they didn't know him like James did. Remus had always said that preachers didn't mean a thing because most of the time they were preaching to the choir, James hadn't understood until now.

He looked over to his other side and felt laughter bubble up in his chest, he was gong insane, there was no way that he wasn't, of course Sirius had always told him that he'd rather live a short life of insanity than a long life of boredom.

James hadn't always understood his friend, but there was never a time when someone could say they hadn't all been there for each other, except for the time that he died, and the time that they all thought that Remus was a traitor, and the time that James ran and hid, and the time that they were all betrayed by one of their own.

James looked off into the clouds then down to his robes, they were black, typical of a funeral, and yet they looked so wrong. Black shouldn't be worn against a gray sky; bright colors should be worn so that they stand out. Sirius had always said that when he died he wanted a celebration of life, not mourning for the end of life.

James had always claimed that he was one of those people that lived life to the fullest, and every time he said that Sirius would say that he should keep telling himself that, but he could come to Sirius the day that it was true. All four marauders had claimed that, but now that James looked back, three out of the four had been wrong, because if he thought about it, if he died tomorrow, there would still be so many things that he had never done that he would like to do. Sirius had always told them that an empty life wasn't a life at all, of course that was always before he did something incredibly stupid, like try to harpoon the giant squid in the black lake.

Looking around James couldn't help but wonder how many of these people had truly lived the lives that they wanted to live, and how many, if they died tomorrow would be left wanting. He had to assume that his friend would not be left wanting, because from what James could tell he had lived, even if he was still only a boy in many people's eyes. His mother had once told him that a boy was just a man who knew more about his mind than other's thought. James hadn't understood, but Sirius had.

James couldn't help but think that this was all unfair, that he should be laying in that coffin, not his friend. They had been betrayed, that was the end, there was nothing left, the marauders were over, dead and gone, but Sirius had always told him that every story had a conclusion and that you just needed to keep looking to find it if you couldn't see one right off.

James looked over at Remus, who returned his look, they both knew that this story wasn't over yet, their stories weren't over, they needed to hunt down the traitor who was once amongst them, who had gotten their most valued friend killed. Sirius had also told them that sometimes conclusions weren't conclusions at all, just another story waiting to be told.

James looked up to the sky one of Sirius favorite quotes had been, 'death isn't the end, just the start of another great adventure.' James didn't know where it came from, he could only guess that it was from something Sirius had read, but he hoped his friend was off on his next great adventure and that death really wasn't just the conclusion to the life of Sirius Black.

James knew that he hated Peter, but he couldn't help but wonder if Sirius forgave him. Sirius was big on forgiveness, he just hoped that Sirius could forgive Remus and Himself for what they were about to do, because Sirius had also learned the hard way that revenge fueled hatred and could only end in death, in this case the questions wasn't if it would stop before that, because death had already occurred, the question was how many more, and James was once again left wondering if Sirius could answer any of these questions or if he was just watching them from heaven, because James was certain the boy had gone to heaven, shaking his head.

James was also certain that Peter would not be joining Sirius in heaven, and if he by some miracle did make it there, then he didn't deserve to be in the presence of anyone as great as Sirius Black, who had saved all of their asses more than once by sacrificing his own. Sirius had once told him that the only thing about sacrificing oneself for others wasn't that you did it selflessly, but that you had to wonder when your time would run out and your hourglass would shatter, because no one has forever, not even if you're immortal.

James stood in the rain and reflected on the single most important thing that Sirius had ever told to him, and that was that we only have so much time to come to terms with who we are and if we don't do it in time, then we learn to late that we don't like ourselves, by then it's far to late to change a thing, James just hoped Peter had come to terms with himself, because he and Remus were coming for revenge, and they would make sure that that was the conclusion to Peter Pettigrew's story.


End file.
